Friday, May 1, 2009

On Ramen.

As that one dude in Heat said, "Have some sympathy, brother, it's a substance abuse problem."

Truth be told, Ramen is the great enabler: not only is it goddamned tasty, but think about it this way: between $.50 a meal and, say, $6.33 after tax for a Chicken Fajita Burrito at Chipotle, you'll be up to your eardrums in discretionary cash in no time! And discretionary cash means making noise. There is no way this can fail.

The way to do it:

1. Get decent ramen. Maruchan cup o' noodles is bizarre. Nissin ramen is the Hi-Point of the ramen world - cheap, and it'll work (sometimes, maybe), but even at 10/$1 it's not a best buy. The real deal is Sapporo Ichiban, particularly Beef and Original flavor. You'll be high-rollin' at 3/$1, but you're now in Bersa territory - goes bang all the time, puts holes where you want 'em, and so forth.

2. Score some proper chili garlic sauce. This is the stuff. Do not accept inferior substitutes. The aformentioned is ambrosia, and was probably offered as a condiment at the Last Supper. I'd say get small quantities to keep it fresh, but it goes too fast for that to be a problem. Add one tablespoon or so to ramen, once prepared.

3. Acquire fresh green onions, preferably nice fat ones. Dice one into discs. Add to ramen. This step is surprisingly important - the bite cancels a lot of the salt, which is legion.

4. Prepare some cheap jasmine tea. The linked variety is crazy inexpensive and almost as good as, say, Peet's Jasmine Fancy. I like my greens rough and nasty, so YMMV.

5. ???

6. Profit.

Oh, there's that nutritional stuff to worry about, like the fact that one packet of Sapporo Ichiban has 475 calories and 45% of your RDA for sodium, but surely you have blistering metabolism or run cross country or something, right? Just drink lots of water and sacrifice a goat so you don't get kidney stones.

No comments: